you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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