): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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