boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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