How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize