Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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