Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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