I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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