Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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