ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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