if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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