I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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