At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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