If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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