You just made me feel so damn special
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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