If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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