What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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