she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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