It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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