I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize