I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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