I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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