You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize