9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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