What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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