Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye

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(250): View more from British Columbia

You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?

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(314): View more from Missouri

Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(760): View more from California

I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?

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(415): View more from California

my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.

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