the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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