so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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