you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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