I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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