He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize