He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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