I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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