Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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