apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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