i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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