You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize