He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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