Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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