Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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