Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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