i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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