Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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