You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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