I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I skipped work to stalk him.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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