Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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