So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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