i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize