She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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