I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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