Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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