Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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